Four Things My Son Taught Me About Darkness and Pain

Recently my youngest boy told me that he was getting teased at school. He told me some specific things that some kids were saying and doing that made him upset. Of course this momma immediately contacted the teachers at the school. They quickly took action, and we haven't had another problem since. 

But there was pain that took place. And there is hurt that remains.

My boy can light up a room with his hearty laughter and bright smile....but someone told him he laughs weird, and now he feels badly about that.

He loves to be silly and play with friends....but someone told him he was weird, and now he is afraid people might not like him. 

A couple weeks passed since he had come to me that day when we talked again last week. He was struggling with behavior at home and he brought all of that hurt up again. He had the same worries still. 

He told me he thinks that there is more darkness in the world now.

Yes boy, there is.

As he told me all of his concerns and fears, my heart broke. He told me he bottles all of it up inside when he gets mad at kids at school. When he comes home, when he knows he's safe, he lets it go. 

The hurt comes out at home, and it's not pretty. 

I told him that yes, the world is getting darker. There is a lot of darkness out there that we all have to learn how to deal with. I asked him what he should do about it. He said, "Ask Jesus to help me."

Yes, boy. The answer is Jesus.

Jesus is always the answer. When we are weak, He is strong. When we get knocked down, He picks us up. When the world gets darker, He is our light. 

Nothing breaks a mother's heart quite like seeing their child hurting. But nothing fills my heart with joy like hearing him talk about asking Jesus for help. 

There are times when we as parents, need to let our kids pray, seek, and find God when they are hurting. I can't parent other people's kids, or prevent them from hurting my children. I can't even control the darkness that surrounds me as an adult. But I can show my kids how to pray to their Heavenly Father for comfort and solutions to their problems. I can show them how to love the people that hurt them. I can show them how to forgive. 

As a parent I draw a lot of parallels between God's love for me and my love for my children. My choices in life are not always the right ones. But I know that no matter how much I mess up, no matter what I'm going through, even when it hurts, God is there pointing me in the right direction. He shows me the example of Christ, and gives me peace in knowing He is there for me.

I didn't always know if I would be a wife or a mother. But now that I am, I take it seriously. It's an amazing responsibility and a blessing to be chosen for such a role in life. I have an obligation to lead my children, stand by my husband, and love them all like He does.

In a culture in which families are broken and kids are abused more often than I like to think about, we as Christian parents need to be more of a reflection of Christ than anything else to our children. 

So as a person struggling through life myself, helping my son come through this circumstance and pain has shown me these things:

• I will go through darkness. Whether it is my own doing or someone else's, life brings struggles with it. That darkness will affect us at some point in life. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3

• God can bring us out of the darkness. No circumstance is too big for Him. And His love overcomes it all. 

I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

• Even after the darkness has left, the hurt may remain. And that's ok. That pain is a reminder of the darkness that God can bring us out of, and His ability to help us overcome. 

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

• We can let the hurt go when we are safe. We can feel safe enough to release the hurt to God. We can be comforted in knowing he cares for us and listens to us. He wants us to keep moving forward into the Light. 

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22

I like to think that I am the one who teaches my kids as we go through life together. In reality we teach each other so much. Sometimes it takes a situation that they are going through to point out things in my own life that I need to deal with. I don't know if I helped my son conquer what he was going through that day. He may need more time to heal from the darkness that touched his life. But we all have our mountains to speak to each morning when we rise. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to help my boy in that process. And he blessed me by showing me my own darkness and pain that I need to overcome. 

Now we both know that we will go through darkness. God can bring us out of it. It's ok for the pain to remain. But we are safe enough in Him to let it go. 

Fear Not

We live in a time when we are afraid to let our kids run around the neighborhood alone, we are afraid to give to someone who asks for help, we are afraid to choose the wrong career or the wrong spouse. 

We let the things that we fear dictate the paths we take. 

Sometimes fear might lead to something good. If we are afraid of consequences we might make a right choice. But I think in most cases, when we let fear guide us, we are likely to be blinded by darkness and oblivious to opportunity.

In Isaiah it is written,

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:1-2

Does that sound like God wants you to be driven by your fears? 

Now, lets' be clear. It doesn't say we won't go through hard times. Actually, quite the contrary. It says "When" you walk through the waters, rivers, and fire, "I will be with you", "They shall not overwhelm you", and "you shall not be burned". So yeah, we're gonna go through it, but it also says He will be with us. 

You know that saying that "God won't give you more than you can handle?

Don't believe it. 

If God never gave us more than we could handle, why would we need to depend on Him? We have waaaay more on our plate than we can handle. But you know what? It's ok! Because we are not supposed to handle everything. He is. That's why we are to call on Him and that's why He comes along side us.

If I have to pass through waters or walk through fire, but I know God will be with me, bring it on. Because I know who God is, and I know who He made me to be. This is the God who created the universe. The God who parted the Red Sea, the same God who gave Joshua command of the his armies and made the walls of Jericho come tumbling down at the sound of their trumpets. This is the very same God who gave Abraham a son in his old age and fulfilled His promise through all of his many descendants. This God gave us Jesus, who is the Christ and the perfect Lamb that was slain and then raised from the dead to give us abundant life in Him for all eternity! 

So yes, we will have mountains in life that we can't climb on our own. But we don't have to! I know that I can accomplish much with a good cup of coffee and some motivation, but that's not enough! When we put our faith in Christ, He can move those mountains that build up in our lives. We don't have to climb them! Don't let the circumstances that built your mountain dictate your path. Let the One who moves mountains make your path straight.

We don't have to be afraid, folks! He has our back. When we submit to Him, we can rest in knowing that great things happen. In 1 Peter it says:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7 

It all sounds so simple, right? I wish I could say I never let fear guide me. I know that sometimes I worry about things even after I have prayed. That's why this next verse really hits home.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. James 1:5-7

Ouch! So if I'm praying for wisdom about my situation and I don't think God will really come through, He probably won't. I mean, why should He? He wants us to trust Him. He did create us. He gave us everything we have. He has forgiven us, and blessed us, and has given us life eternal with Him. And all He's asking of us is that we have faith and walk the path He laid for us. 

I don't know about you, but I think that's a good deal. 

So I'm going to cast my cares on Him. Every day. Every minute if I have to. Because we know those cares pop up every minute sometimes. I encourage you to pray. All the time. Constantly pray for God's peace, wisdom, and understanding. Then believe that He will give it to you. And see how your life can change for the better.